Parenting and Child Care Guides

School should be a safe place of learning from teachers instead of a scary place where shootings and violence bring emergency workers and grief counselors. The recent number of horrifying acts of violence in schools has everyone concerned, from the President to local school and law enforcement officials. However, the best group to take positive action to protect kids at school is always their parents. Here are five key things you can do to take positive action to help protect your son or daughter from violent situations that could occur at school.

1) Listen to your child's fears and frustrations

Every school has a bully, that's not a new problem. However these days there are dangerous gangs and violent individuals in or around just about every school environment. Sometimes the violent person comes from the outside, but it's more likely that threats, harassment, bullying, fights and acts of violence will come from someone on the inside of your child's school. Students who use weapons against other students, like the Columbine shooters for example, often make threats long before acting on them.

Become more involved in talking about the safety of your child, instead of just talking about academics or daily activities. Ask your kids direct questions and then really listen to their fears and frustrations about what's happening around them at school. Keep the conversation age appropriate and allow your child to do most of the talking as you hear about their experiences with bullies or other situations that might have made them feel uncomfortable or afraid while at school, (Remember to change the conversation slightly depending on the ages of your kids and the pressures they may be facing at school, since it's important to talk about safety to kids of all ages so they know what to do to be safe at school).

2) Get involved at their school & ask questions about safety

The greater the level of parental involvement the greater the chance that your child's school will be a much safer place. When kids are involved in healthy after-school activities like sports, music, drama or scouting they are less likely to be in a dangerous situation, because everyone is engaged and involved, instead of bored and detached. Parents can spot and then quietly solve a lot of problems that may be in the 'shadows' by getting more involved in the lives of their children and encouraging greater involvement in healthy activities. Sometimes the easiest way to avoid becoming a victim of crime is to be involved in activities with others instead of feeling insecure and isolated when threatening people or situations come along.

Kids need their parents to be involved in their lives at all ages, as classroom volunteers or to help with after school sports or extra-curricular activities. The extra support for your child builds a greater sense of connection and self worth, but it also provides another set of 'eyes and ears' on the school campus to notice what pressures your child, or their peers are facing. (If you aren't sure how to spot the warning signs of gangs, weapons, substance abuse or when a fight is going to erupt, there are a number of web links at the end of this article to help you gain greater insight of what to look for, and more importantly, what to do to keep your child safe). If you see anything that makes you feel uncomfortable don't be afraid to bring it up to your child's teacher, school administrators or school safety officers. Also, if you are unsure about the safety plan at your child's school to deal with crisis events like school violence, then ask to see a copy so you can review it with your son or daughter and then pass it along to other parents as well.

3) Use media events as springboards into serious discussions

Much of the televised news reports are shocking to say the least, however, you can use stories from your local newspaper or an Internet news source to bring the facts of a story out to then 'springboard' into a more personal discussion with your son or daughter. This can especially be important with teens who believe they are invincible to the harsh realities of violent and aggressive people in public places like schools. Something about seeing a group of crying teens gathered around a makeshift memorial to honor a fallen classmate makes it more real... because it shows regular kids, just like them, who were forced to take action to deal with a dangerous situation at or around school. Asking, "what would you do if you saw a weapon pulled out in a classroom?", or "does anyone at your school make threats to hurt you, or other classmates?" are all ways to get directly involved in protecting your child, as well as preventing the next breaking news story about school tragedy from happening on their campus.

4) Have a crisis plan & review it monthly

If your child's school were on 'lockdown' would you know what to do, and more importantly, would your son or daughter know how to respond? Every school has a formal plan on how they will respond to man made disasters, like shootings or bomb threats, as well as natural disasters like hurricanes or severe storms. Emergency officials encourage parents to have a similar plan for their personal family. If the electricity was knocked out preventing cell phones or the Internet from working to communicate with each other, would your family know where to meet together or in spite of the crisis? Knowing what to do and then reviewing that plan monthly will remove a significant amount of panic because planning removes panic. If your son or daughter received a threatening note or heard about an act of violence, do they know who to call to protect themselves and their school? If not there are some web links at the end of this article to help guide you in the process.

5) Prayer and Meditation

We can prepare our kids to know how to respond to acts of violence at their schools, but ultimately we can't protect our kids from everything. If someone wanted to deliberately hurt someone at school, they likely could in just about any school setting. However, we know that God is bigger than any bully and that He is always a safe place to turn throughout the hours of the day when we can't be there to watch out for our kids. Many parents have the habit of praying or quietly meditating about the safety and strength of their kids throughout day while they are apart. Why not give it a try so you can move from feeling scared about what you can't do to feeling secure in your faith. Moving away from panic through prayer and meditation is a powerful way to get through any crisis and it's a great practice to model for your kids. When they learn to prayerfully reflect in a high pressure situation, instead of panic they will gain remarkable power and peace in dealing with any situation, at school, work or in personal relationships as an adult. Prayer and meditation are life skills that make any situation easier to deal with, because as you are quietly praying for the protection of your child you can rest in knowing that you aren't carrying your problems alone.

In the midst of a national crisis such as the Virginia Tech shooting, many parents wonder what can be done to protect their kids from the additional stress and anxiety that can come from repeated exposure to the extremely disturbing media footage that often follows a major critical incident, such as bleeding or dying students and SWAT teams swarming over a school campus.

Children and adults can be psychologically affected from repetitive over-exposure to the harsh media footage of a shooter and his violent or hate filled video taped messages to the world. Below are some helpful steps to make sure your son or daughter is protected from the harmful media images that might create long term anxiety or panic symptoms.

Here are some of the symptoms and behaviors that may indicate your child has been overexposed to the traumatic emotions that follow a crisis situation. Remember that your main goal is to protect your child and not minimize or deny their emotional symptoms. The more symptoms present, the greater the need for the child to receive additional support and care from family, clergy, teachers, or even from a mental health or medical professional.

- Major changes in energy level, especially lethargy or helplessness
- Heightened fear and worry about guns, violence or being hurt by bullies
- Changes in sleep patterns, especially nightmares or night terrors
- Regressive behavior, (e.g. "baby talk", clingy to parents or bedwetting)
- Preoccupation with loss of parents or being stranded without parents
- Major swings in school performance, from aggression, withdrawal or apathy
- Angry explosions or depressive moodiness stuffed inside in silence
- Withdrawal from normal activities at home, church or school
- Avoidance of friends, family or pets by going into an emotional "cocoon"

Any of the above symptoms can be normal reactions to a crisis event and may not indicate a need for professional counseling, however it is important to watch for major changes in your child's attitude, personality or behavior to know how to help them cope. Below are some positive ways to reduce pressure on your child to keep them emotionally and physically safe after a major critical incident.

What can parents do to lessen the harmful impact of anxiety from media?

Here are some positive action steps that you can take to help your child avoid the negative impacts of being overloaded from harmful media anxiety.

1) Take care of yourself

Since children draw much of their security from their parents, it is important to keep yourself well grounded and supported. Spend more time with healthy family, friends or church members during this time to make sure that you aren't overly anxious and subtly passing that anxiety along to your children. Just like the instructions that flight attendants give if oxygen masks drop from the ceiling of the plane, that parents are to put their masks on first, you have to stay as balanced as possible to effectively care for your child during this stressful time.

2) Be aware and be available

This is a time for extra precautions, but not extra fear. It's always wise to teach our kids to be aware of their surroundings, and if the child is old enough, you can talk about the importance of keeping their environment safe by locking doors, or paying more attention to daily safety issues, like looking up to notice if any cars in parking lots may be backing out, (as opposed to running through parking lots like children have a tendency to do). During this time pay more attention to being available for your child, to talk, pray or play. As you heighten your level of involvement and support, your child will be less likely to feel afraid because they will draw strength from the stability you provide in the home.

3) Watch your talk

It is recommended that you never discuss your greatest fears with your children, but rather use discernment in discussing your opinions about the critical incident on the telephone or with your friends or coworkers if your child could possibly overhear the conversation. Wisdom requires you to guard your tongue around children during this difficult time to protect them from being overly worried or afraid. It is okay to discuss the facts of the crisis in age-appropriate ways with older children, but then move into a discussion of how we can pray for the families of the victims affected or drawing pictures to send to the survivors. This will create compassion and keep the focus on healing after the crisis, instead of focusing only on the evils or horror of the traumatic event. Talk is one of the best ways to help a child feel secure, so ask questions and then just listen to allow your child a chance to release their fears in a safe way.

4) Monitor media usage and guard Internet images

Television and Internet images are extremely powerful and vivid in a child's mind. That's why you should take great care to avoid having the television on 24/7, but rather limit your exposure to media images, and the amount of time that children might be directly or indirectly exposed to hours of harmful media. If you feel like you must have the television set on for long periods of time, (which is not recommended), then turn the sound off. Talk about the positives of your family being together, or answered prayers, instead of focusing on the negative elements of a terrible tragedy in other part of the country. Guide your children into stabilizing and feeling safe through the daily routines of what is happening in their world, as opposed to events happening on a college campus in another part of the world. Protecting your child from harsh media images now will protect them from having to struggle to get those harmful images out of their head in the future.

5) Routine, schedule and rules

Children draw tremendous security from having a predictable schedule. Build a regular set of morning and evening rituals, like getting ready for school or bedtime stories or prayer time; also pay attention to include meal time and personal hygiene rituals that are age appropriate for your child. Even little guys and gals can help to take their plate from the table to the kitchen counter, or take more ownership of their daily rituals. This actually takes stress off of Mom and Dad as the child grows in independence through the years, but it is even more helpful for the child to feel the sense of empowerment from knowing what do to as they begin and end their day. House rules are always the same rules, which creates stability from predictability. No matter what is happening when there is a crisis in another part of the country, be consistent with your family boundaries to help everyone feel more secure by not allowing chaos to erupt from neglecting the regular established rules for household behavior.

6) Reconnect to family, friends and faith

Crisis events are an excellent time to reach out to spend more time with friends or family members. If you don't have family nearby, reach out to connect with a house of faith that has positive activities designed for you and your child. The additional socialization will help to build a sense of security from having other healthy people to draw support from as we all go through this experience, as well as allow every member of your family to be more aware of God's love and protection. Crisis events are a perfect time to discuss the importance of a personal faith with your children so that they come to understand how the power of a personal belief system provides greater courage to face the challenges of life.

7) Focus on hope, instead of helplessness

Remember to reassure the child that we will make it through this difficult time. Keep focused on practical ways to keep your child tuned into their world and the things that are normal to their daily life, instead of overexposure to media images from other parts of the world. As you build these coping skills and life management principles into your home, your children will actually be stronger and less afraid of circumstances because they will be more aware of how to face their anxiety with the assurance of feeling protection and peace from a stable home environment. Know that you are not alone through this time so reach out to other healthy people and keep reading and developing practical insights to help you and your children cope during the healing days ahead.

Finally, you can take courage from these words, given by President George Bush at a special convocation service held at Virginia Tech the day after the horrible shootings on that campus. In his message the President said, "These sources of strength are also in the faith that sustains so many of us. Across the town of Blacksburg and in towns all across America, houses of worship from every faith have opened their doors and have lifted you up in prayer. People who have never met you are praying for you; they're praying for your friends who have fallen and who are injured. There's a power in these prayers, real power. In times like this, we can find comfort in the grace and guidance of a loving God. As the Scriptures tell us, 'Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.'"

"Wasn't me!"

My fourteen-year-old son has spoken those words more often than I care to remember. It's always someone else's fault - most often, his sister's. To my son, blaming comes almost as naturally as the gray roots he's causing to sprout from my head. Hey, at least he's doing his part to keep Clairol in business!

Okay, so my son isn't the only one ever to speak those words, "Wasn't me!" After all, Adam started the whole blaming thing that day in the garden: "It was the woman You gave me. She brought me the fruit and I ate it." But Eve wasn't about to take the fall: "It was the serpent. He tricked me." (Genesis 3)

Can't you just picture God rolling His eyes at that one?

With sin, came blame. And because none of us is yet perfected (contrary to my teenaged son's not-so-humble perception of himself) blaming and making excuses is still very much alive and well today. So how can I get my son to stop playing the blame game where everyone loses?

I suppose I can start by setting an example. I might not say the words, "Wasn't me!" but when it takes longer to check out at the grocery store than it does to do my shopping, I excuse my impatience: It's the cashier's fault! If my kids leave their toys in the middle of the floor, I excuse my outburst of anger: If the toys weren't there, I wouldn't have yelled! It's traffic's fault that I was late. Or my mom's fault that I don't handle money properly. If she would have taught me better...

Yada, yada, yada.

God wants us to be accountable for the way we act. The truth is, we are all responsible for how we respond to our circumstances. The moment we're old enough to realize how something should be handled, we're able to make a good choice. I can choose to exercise patience while I wait in that grocery store line. I can decide not to yell at my kids when they leave their stuff lying around. I'm not saying it's easy, only that it's possible! If I do choose to yell or become frustrated, guess whose fault it is? (Quit pointing!)

But isn't it great that when we are quick to say, "I did something stupid," or, "I was wrong," God is even quicker to forgive. Making excuses and blaming others for our actions only causes dissension and separation - between us and others and, even more, between us and God. Yet, each time we confess, we become a little more sensitive to just how much we need Jesus and His forgiveness, which is what it's really all about.

In the same way, I am much more likely to show mercy to my son when he takes responsibility for his actions and stops blaming his sister. Convincing him of that, however, may take some time.

Just like convincing me that my son isn't the cause of my gray hair isn't going to happen any time soon.

I just don't buy it.

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy." Proverbs 28:13 (NIV)

Television is still one of the cheapest and simplest sources of information and entertainment today. Adult and children alike are still crazy about it, and this will still be a continuous habit no matter what technology will evolve. However, we all know that it can also be addictive. In addition, more and more shows are not applicable to our children. That is why we parents should take charge of controlling them. But we cannot just turn it off and tell them that it is enough. We should be able to think of effective ways of doing such and motivate them without further misunderstanding. Here are some of them:

Make an agreement. Lay down the rules and implement them very strictly. Watching television should be after finishing the school homework and other important activities. But make the rules reasonable for him so that he can follow them. Moreover, set the time that cannot affect his sleeping time. By doing this, you are also motivating him to understand his priorities.

Hold the remote control. This does not mean that you hold it literally. But you must know the shows that he is watching. That is why the television should be at the living room only and not inside his room, until he is old enough to differentiate right from wrong. There are also shows that looks like for children but in reality, they are not. Not all cartoon shows are appropriate for children. By doing this, you are also teaching him things that cannot be learned from school.

No TV at meal time. Never allow him to watch TV while eating. Besides the fact that he cannot enjoy his meal, this is one of the few times that the family is complete. This means that you must reserve this opportunity to bond as a happy family. Even if he is alone, eating in front of TV is still unacceptable. Require him not to rush his food just to catch up. If he insists, then show him who is the parent and the master of the house. By doing this, you are also teaching him to be disciplined.

Provide other options. Besides the television, you can also provide him attractive children books and educational toys as alternative sources of entertainment and learning. Have a family day at least once a month can divert his attention to other things. A simple walk in the park every afternoon is also advisable. By doing this, he can learn the difference between reality and fantasy.

Set a good example. If your child sees that you cannot control yourself in watching television, you can never teach him to do the same. Say what you do and do what you say. You must be able to justify your instructions. If you have favorite late night shows, let him sleep first and do not let him know that you are doing it. By doing this, you can easily motivate him because he sees in you a role model to follow.

Television was invented to entertain and educate us including our children. But it is our responsibility as parents who must ensure that it will really serve its purpose.

For most parents, saying no to their children is hard. Parents may feel that they are being mean, unfair, or that they are denying their children life’s pleasures by not letting them have their every heart’s desire. Often times, parents take the saying, “Ask and you shall receive,” a bit too literally.

With brighter, shinier, faster toys on the market these days, it seems that children hardly have a chance to play with their toys before they want the newer, improved version of the thing you just bought last week. When I was young, I was given my siblings’ hand-me-down Barbie dolls and GI Joe action figures to play with. When those things got old, I was scuffled outside to play on the backyard swing set, slide, or tire swing.

Parents today are not able to keep up with the demand, and to supply each and every one of your child’s requests can become costly. These toys also seem to keep children cooped up in the house, allowing them to live alternate realities with out ever leaving their rooms. Don’t take my word for it, but this seems to me like unhealthy behavior!

It is important that parents are able to set boundaries for their children that instill values they can carry with them throughout adulthood. This includes developing coping and relationship skills with the rest of the world. If a child is used to always getting his way, think of how devastating it will be for that child to grow up and realize that the world isn’t always as positive.

Simply telling a child that they can’t have a certain item they want will not suffice. Those who have ever encountered a child knows that they always want to know what the reason for why everything is the way it is (we have to be prepared to honor those questions with valid answers that their minds can process.) Being up front and honest with them is the best way to do this. Yes, this basic law of social conduct applies to our children, too!

Here are some ideas to keep your kids happy while letting them down easy:

• First and foremost, establish an open relationship with your children. Be honest. Talk to them rationally and explain your reasons for saying no. Avoid raising your voice and screaming at all costs. This will only escalate the issue and turn it into a shouting war.

• Be consistent. If you say no, mean it. Don’t back down and don’t change your mind or give in ten minutes later. Following through with your decisions will give your child a sense of security.

• Get involved. If you child wants to go and hang out with friends and you think they are not quite old enough or ready to handle the situation, come up with an activity that you both would enjoy together. Check out that new comedy in the theater, go for a bike ride, or discover any museums your city has to offer. There are tons of opportunities out there! You could also offer to chaperone them on this trip or speak to their friends’ parents to switch off on monitoring them.

• Reinforce your veto with something positive. If you aren’t keen on buying your kid that violent new video game, offer to cook them their favorite dinner that evening. Keep your attitude positive throughout the whole experience so that they see there is nothing to get upset about.

Whatever your mode of disciplining your child, always remember to stay calm. Children mirror our ways and adapt to how we handle situations. Keeping your own emotions and actions in check is a sure way to rub off that good behavior onto your kids. Happy parenting!

"Don't do as I do. Do as I say." That is the advice many of us have heard all our lives, especially when we were youngsters. That is about the poorest advice we will ever receive. It just doesn't work that way. The truth is, the very advice we follow is the example we see from those we respect the most. Being an example is a role we inherit but may not want. Make no mistake about it, however: we are all in that position at one time or another.

As a parent, you might ask the question, "How proud would I be if my child grew up to be just like me?" The parent that drives like a maniac, then says to his teenage son, "Be careful," should not complain when the boy returns home with a speeding ticket.

The coach that yells and screams at the officials cannot be surprised when his star player gets a technical foul for unsportsmanlike conduct. After all, the example speaks much louder than the words you say. There is an ancient proverb that says, "What you teach your child, you teach your child's child." Oh, how often I have experienced this in my own life.

The exact traits I seen from my own dad I see mirrored in my own children and even my grandchildren. It is an awesome responsibility being a parent, but being an example for others happens in all walks of life. The teacher, the preacher, the business person and even the town bum all set an example that others follow.

There is a poem I read that challenges me and says much better than I can write the importance of living your testimony instead of just talking it. It goes like this:

I'd rather see a sermon, than to hear one, any day.

I'd rather one should walk with me, than merely show the way.

I can soon learn how to do it, if you'll let me see it done;

I can watch your hands in action, but your tongue too fast may run!

All the speeches you deliver, may be wise and true,

But I'd rather get my lessons by observing what you do.

Though I may not understand you, and the fine advice you give,

There is no misunderstanding how I see you act and live!

In the sports world, they put it this way, "It is easy to talk the talk, but you had better be able to walk the walk." Make no mistake about it, the fine advice you give will never take the place of how you act and live.

The most important learning for the child comes from his family. Parents are his first teachers. The child learns about his world and how to be a good person from the very day he is born. His sense of self comes from how his parents treat him and respond to him.

Child experts often advise parents to tune in to their children from an early age. Children’s self-esteem is nurtured early in life as they interact with their parents in a positive environment. When a child gets into trouble, parents often blame themselves for being too lenient or too strict with him. Some parents even blame the child for being naughty or disobedient.

The truth of the matter is, children are the products of either good parenting or bad parenting and not because their parents are good or bad. When we make mistakes with our children, often times, we are not aware of ways to manage our children correctly.

We can do a better job with our children when we understand the different stages of development. As children mature, parents need to manage their children’s behaviour differently. You cannot talk to your teenager as you did when he was six years old. Listen to what your child says and find ways to support his interests.

Communication plays a vital role in our daily interactions with family members. We need to understand what they hear and see, and be able to send messages in ways that they can understand and accept. Children need adults to guide them in choosing the right words to express themselves. Teaching by example is the most effective tool for parents.

Many have found that their words fall on deaf ears when they do not practise what they preach to their young ones. A mother of two school-going boys remarked that today’s teenagers are easily influenced by their peers. She feared for her children’s welfare. She wondered how she can protect her sons from negative influences.

Children tend to draw closer to their peers when their parents refuse to acknowledge them or listen to them. Their peers, on the other hand, make them feel accepted and loved. They never question them or belittle their ideas.

Self-esteem is how the person feels and thinks about himself. Feeling loved, valued, wanted and respected will make children feel good about who they are. Parents can create such an environment for them to grow up in. Once your children are confident, they can try new things and explore their world.

Parents must allow their children to make mistakes so that they can learn to cope and find out what they can do to succeed. Like a toddler learning to walk, he will fail many times before he achieves his goal. But once he manages to do what he sets out to do, he will experience an overwhelming sense of pride.
Many children feel unloved because they are scolded or punished frequently.

The foundation of their relationship with their parents is built on fear and violence. While parents consider their acts of punishments as a form of discipline, their children do not share this understanding. They cannot accept the fact that their parents inflict pain on them to teach them a lesson.

As children grow, parents must be prepared to allow them to take charge of their behaviour. When parents respect their children for their sense of independence, they will live up to parental expectations.

My five-year-old nephew once declared: “I have no freedom. My parents make me do everything.” He feels helpless when he is not allowed to do simple tasks for himself or decide what he wants to do or say.

In today’s competitive world, our children need to know that being different is acceptable. We do not want our children to be carbon-copies. They can have their own likes and dislikes. They should not feel the need to submit to societal pressure to look the same and talk the same way. Parents can show their children how to value different things that they learn from others.

We live in a multicultural society. Parents’ attitude can make a lot of difference in how their children regard other people and accept their ways. Bring the various cultures into your children’s lives through stories, songs and food. Hopefully, one day our children will grow into mature adults who do not discriminate against others.

Most textbooks tell us that infants must breathe through their noses. Therefore, doctors and parents pay a lot of attention to clearing the nostrils of excess mucus and debris. Seldom does mucus completely block the nostrils, however, and it's been found that infants adapt quickly to mouth breathing, so parents need not worry too much about clearing the nose.

Babies also have protective reflexes that enable them to turn away from potentially suffocating situations. In putting infants down to sleep, it is important to lay them on their sides or backs, and not on a soft pillow, to reduce the risk of suffocation or SIDS

Also, newborns sneeze a lot. This is not an indication of a respiratory infection or an allergy; it is just a normal reflex. Often parents will notice little white spots on the roof of an infant's mouth, directly in the midline. These are known as Epstein's pearls and are normal in newborns.

Years ago, many parents worried about their infants being tongue-tied. Literally, this means that the frenulum, the piece of tissue in the bottom of the tongue that that attaches to the floor of the mouth is short. A short frenulum will not interfere with the child's speech.

However, it will interfere with the child's ability to stick his or her tongue out as far as other children can, with the ability to catch M&Ms thrown in the air, and occasionally with the ability to lick an ice cream cone quickly down to nothing.

The inability to perform these acts can be troublesome to a child, so your pediatrician can cut the frenulum if you wish. This is a simple procedure but it should not be carried out until the child is much older and actually experiences some disabilities.

The newborn's face is subjected to a considerable amount of pressure as it comes through the birth canal. This pressure may rupture very tiny blood vessels and cause a purple rash known as petechiae. This rash will generally resolve within 2 weeks

In addition, infants often develop white dots with red bases all over their faces. This is known as newborn acne. If your child has a widespread rash, your doctor may tell you that he or she has erythema toxicum neonatorum. Again, this is a harmless rash of the newborn period.

Infants ordinarily keep their fists clenched. You may notice that your baby has long fingernails. An infant's fingernails are generally soft but can scratch his or her soft skin. If the fingernails look long or scratch marks seem to be appearing on the infant or on you when you hold your baby close, you may cut the nails. Almost any nail-clipping instrument will do as long as you are careful.

The umbilical cord is of frequent concern to parents. This cord consists of a gelatinous white material through which run 2 arteries and 1 vein. The cord will dry up in about one week. During that process there is usually a smell caused by bacteria on the cord.

A little alcohol applied to it will destroy the bacteria and hasten the drying process. In 1 to 3 weeks, the cord will get smaller develop a brownish color, and fall off, often with a slight amount of bleeding. If an area of redness develops on the skin surrounding the cord, consult your doctor.

Swelling or hernias of the navel are very common in African American babies, far less common in white babies. Almost all of these hernias disappear by themselves

An infant's feet assume many unusual positions. It's easy to understand why if you think of the cramped quarters in which they has recently been living. Most babies have feet that are turned in, with the soles facing each other. They will assume a more normal position within a few months.

Parents can check the normality of the feet by wiggling them about. It should be possible to wiggle an infant's foot into all the positions that your own foot can assume.

In today’s technological world we spend a lot of time at work, at the shops, or at home in front of the TV. If we do see the natural world, mostly it will be through a TV screen. Whilst useful and informative, we miss about 90% of what there is to experience - smells, design, feel, textures, colours and shapes. Today’s children are missing out on the real beauty of nature.

So how, as parents, can we encourage our children to experience and appreciate the natural world?

1. If possible, as early in their life as possible, develop a family habit of outside recreational activities. Instead of indoor or city centre pursuits, choose the outside pursuits.

2. Whatever age of your child, take him out and about to areas of beauty – woods, beaches, estuaries, rivers, ponds, parks, nature reserves, animal sanctuaries, wildfowl centres, and take advantage of the beauty that appears at different times of the year, like Bluebell time.

3. Whilst out, touch things and encourage your child to do so. Smell flowers and plants and point out what’s beautiful or unique about it. Don’t assume he will notice this. Make him aware of its finer details, details that are often missed by just a glance. Often the real beauty is in these details, and these may be what inspires him to find out more.

4. Show that you are interested and excited by what you see. Some children may laugh at you or show no interest, but may well grow up to appreciate nature as adults. If they really are not interested, do not force them, but continue to enjoy the outdoors.

5. In your home, encourage less reliance on digital stimulation and fill your home with traditional games, books and toys. Do not feel your child is missing out this way. With all the technological developments and electronic toys and computers we have, man has not become more intelligent, only more reliant upon technology.

6. Consider the possibility of having no TV in your home, so that your child is forced to go out and experience the world about him for interest and occupation. If this sounds a daunting idea, read ‘The Chilled Parent’ – Effective Parenting, Peacefully and Powerfully, to find out how other families have lived happily without television.

7. The outdoors and nature is relaxing. Just compare a piece of concrete or tarmac to a piece of green grass. The visual impact is quite different. The green grass is soft and relaxing as opposed to the hardness and dirtiness of concrete.

Encouraging an appreciation of the natural world and its beauty is a wonderful gift we can give our children, not just for today but for the future. An appreciation of nature is a gentle de-stresser which your children, when adults, can enjoy and benefit from. Such an appreciation gives them a well-balanced and pleasurable view of the world about them.

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In today’s technological world we spend a lot of time at work, at the shops, or at home in front of the TV. If we do see the natural world, mostly it will be through a TV screen. Whilst useful and informative, we miss about 90% of what there is to experience - smells, design, feel, textures, colours and shapes. Today’s children are missing out on the real beauty of nature.

So how, as parents, can we encourage our children to experience and appreciate the natural world?

1. If possible, as early in their life as possible, develop a family habit of outside recreational activities. Instead of indoor or city centre pursuits, choose the outside pursuits.

2. Whatever age of your child, take him out and about to areas of beauty – woods, beaches, estuaries, rivers, ponds, parks, nature reserves, animal sanctuaries, wildfowl centres, and take advantage of the beauty that appears at different times of the year, like Bluebell time.

3. Whilst out, touch things and encourage your child to do so. Smell flowers and plants and point out what’s beautiful or unique about it. Don’t assume he will notice this. Make him aware of its finer details, details that are often missed by just a glance. Often the real beauty is in these details, and these may be what inspires him to find out more.

4. Show that you are interested and excited by what you see. Some children may laugh at you or show no interest, but may well grow up to appreciate nature as adults. If they really are not interested, do not force them, but continue to enjoy the outdoors.

5. In your home, encourage less reliance on digital stimulation and fill your home with traditional games, books and toys. Do not feel your child is missing out this way. With all the technological developments and electronic toys and computers we have, man has not become more intelligent, only more reliant upon technology.

6. Consider the possibility of having no TV in your home, so that your child is forced to go out and experience the world about him for interest and occupation. If this sounds a daunting idea, read ‘The Chilled Parent’ – Effective Parenting, Peacefully and Powerfully, to find out how other families have lived happily without television.

7. The outdoors and nature is relaxing. Just compare a piece of concrete or tarmac to a piece of green grass. The visual impact is quite different. The green grass is soft and relaxing as opposed to the hardness and dirtiness of concrete.

Encouraging an appreciation of the natural world and its beauty is a wonderful gift we can give our children, not just for today but for the future. An appreciation of nature is a gentle de-stresser which your children, when adults, can enjoy and benefit from. Such an appreciation gives them a well-balanced and pleasurable view of the world about them.

Parents have an awesome responsibility. We are in charge of raising children from helpless babies into fully-functional adults. It's a long, tiring journey, for parents and children alike. Along the way, it's amazing what kind of trouble and mischief kids can cause.

Many parents feel like they spend much of their time correcting their children's mistakes. From innocent blunders to outright defiance, part of a parent's job is to help their kids recognize and correct their mistakes. The goal, of course, is that kids catch themselves before they do something they shouldn't, and correct their own behavior.

A parent invests a lot of time correcting their children's actions. That makes it easy to fall into a pattern where faultfinding is the main way a parent relates to their children. The results are negative for children and parents alike. Here are some of the things that typically occur when faultfinding plays too much of a role in parent/child interaction:

Children come to see their parents as overly critical. Kids desperately want and need their parents' approval. If the child feels that his or her parents are too critical, they will likely withdraw from their parents. They will seek approval from other sources, and perhaps do things they otherwise wouldn't.

Children feel less safe in the world. The one thing humans have in common is that we all mess up. Sometimes we do wrong intentionally, other times we just blunder into mistakes. Either way, parents either show their kids that they are lovable even when they mess up, or that they must hide their shortcomings in order to feel love.

Parents miss some great teaching moments. Many of us would agree that we have learned more from our mistakes than our failures. Children can learn a lot from their mistakes (even from their intentional bad behavior). But they are less likely to learn if they feel parents are judging them too harshly.

Parents enjoy their children less. It's nearly impossible to have fun with someone when you're waiting for them to mess up. When parents focus on faultfinding, they miss some of the unexpected joy and humor that occurs when children make mistakes. Worse, they lose the opportunity to love their kids completely, just as they are.

The solution? Find a balance between noting and correcting mistakes and looking for the great things kids do. Make a conscious decision that you will find something praiseworthy, even in your kids' biggest gaffes. It isn't easy. It will take practice, because we parents are also imperfect creatures. But it can transform the relationship between you and your child. Our next article will spell out specific ways parents can become "goodfinders" instead of faultfinders.

Young babies spend up to 14 hours of any 24 hour period asleep. Unfortunately, this doesn't often coincide with their parents sleeping pattern, because it takes a few months for babies to learn the difference between night and day.

How Babies Sleep

The way babies fall a sleep differs from adults, adults can crash suddenly, whereas babies sleep lightly for about 20 minutes, then go through a transitional stage before reaching deep sleep. Nothing will wake them until they've had enough sleep. This means that babies who are simply put down will not necessarily go to sleep peacefully. You may need to nurse your baby to sleep for quite a while, so try to be patient, particularly at night, when you're longing to go back to bed yourself.

Where Should A Baby Sleep

Where a baby sleeps isn't important to him to start with. He won't automatically fall asleep when put into a darkened bedroom, light doesn't bother him at all. He's much more likely to be disturbed by being too hot or too cold. Your baby will be happiest going to sleep hearing your voices and the household noises that he is used to in the background, so let him sleep in a bassinet or carrier in which ever room you happen to be.

Using A Baby Monitor

If you leave your baby in another room, set up a baby monitor so that you can hear him as soon as he wakes. He may feel disturbed by the silence when you leave the room and this could make him more fretful, leave the door open so he can hear you moving around­unless you have a cat that may climb in to the crib. Avoid going back in to the room once your baby is asleep, your smell could wake him, so resist the temptation to check him too frequently.

Encouraging Longer Periods Of Sleep

A young baby needs food at regular intervals, so he'll wake for a feeding when his body tells him to. The way to encourage your baby to sleep for a stretch (four, then rising to five or six, hours) during the night is to make sure he's taken in sufficient calories to last. that long. This means feeding him when ever he shows he's hungry during the day. As he steadily gains weight, he can go longer between feedings and by about six weeks he could be sleeping for at least one period of about six hours hopefully during the night. When he wakes for a night feeding make as little fuss as possible. Feed him in bed, if he needs changing, do it quickly in dim light. Don't make this a time for chatting and games, he'll learn that waking at night doesn't bring any special privileges.

Rescue Package For A Sleepless Baby

Night after night of broken sleep is wearing for parents and a young baby who perhaps only catnaps during the day makes it hard to catch up. Use this checklist of strategies to reduce unnecessary fatigue.

Be aware of background noise

Don't shield your baby from the sounds of your home. They won't disturb his sleep, in fact some babies are soothed by the rhythmic noise of household appliances.

Keep him close to you

At night, put your baby's crib next to your bed so that you can take him in to your bed to feed him. Then put him back in his crib afterward with minimal disturbance.

Play music

Babies respond well to soothing music (classical is best). Keep certain pieces for when your baby shows signs of tiredness.

Carry him in a sling

Rhythmic movement can hasten sleep, but your baby may wake up when you stop moving. Carry him around in a baby sling when you're in the house, when ever possible. As well as being relaxed by the constant movement, your baby will be comforted by your body and your smell if he is this close to you.

Give him plenty of fresh air

Fresh air is said to tire babies out. In fact, it's probably the stimulation they receive from the sounds and sights outside, or simply the movement of trees or branches, that makes them sleepy.

Father

Understanding the way your baby's sleep patterns work will help you to tune in to his and your partner's needs.

Being realistic

Your new baby will probably sleep less than you think. He spends 50-80 percent of the time in light sleep, when he wakes very easily. His sleep cycle-light, deep, light is shorter than an adult's sleep cycle, so he's vulnerable to waking each time he passes from one sleep state to another. He's programmed to wake up for all kinds of reasons when he's wet, hot, cold, unwell because his survival depends on it. It's good to know that light sleep is likely to make your baby more intelligent because the brain remains active and it enhances brain development.

Having a sleep routine

Your baby has to be deeply asleep before he'll settle down, so try a tranquillizing sleep routine gentle rocking, quiet songs and talking. He's deeply asleep when his eyelids don't twitch and his limbs feel limp. Lay him down and gently pat his shoulder at about 60 beats a minute for a few minutes.

Getting home late

If your baby is asleep when you get home from work, ask your partner if your baby can nap in the afternoon so that he's awake later. Be patient if this isn't possible. Try getting up earlier and spending time with your baby before work.

Mother

If you find you're trying to get your baby to sleep as much as possible, ask yourself why.

Does your baby need to sleep?

Trying to get your baby to sleep when he doesn't need to is pointless. He's longing for your company, so talk and play with him instead, put him in a baby chair so that he can watch what you're doing. Research has shown that even young babies are very receptive to interaction with their parents, and with increased stimulation over all, your baby is much more likely to sleep more soundly and for longer.

You need rest, too

You may become over wrought if you're suffering from lack of sleep. Being overtired builds resentment and makes you irritable and likely to get things out of proportion. If you're exhausted, express breast milk so your partner can take on the night time feedings for a couple of days so that you can get some rest.

Having three little kids can sometimes be a lifelong lesson for parents like me. Dealing with their everyday fears is a great task in itself. And as we go along our daily lives, dealing with their inner fears is a task we must carry out with great care and understanding. We agree that feelings of being fearful are part and parcel of our children's growing pains, especially during their early years. As we watch them grow, they become more aware of things around them. Each new learning experience, coupled with rapid development both physically and mentally - it is not uncommon to witness children developing fears as part of their adjustment mechanism. The good news here is that most children get over their fears as they get older.

It is sometimes us, the adults, who over-comfort or exaggerate their concern when children express their fear's. Instead of helping the poor little child, adults are now accomplices in generating such fears. This situation worsens somewhat to the dismay of adults! Therefore, it is important that adults learn to recognize certain types of fears in children that could simply be a passing phase. However, if the child's fears are caused by an external factor such as abuse or neglect, then the adults must act swiftly to remove the child from such a situation.

Fear Of Strangers

Babies often experience anxiety towards strangers as soon as they are aware of their surroundings. Some babies as young as one month-old often cry when strangers approach them, or when they are handed to another person other than their own familiar adults. Older babies around six to eight months can get very upset when handled by strangers. Their anxiety usually improves around ten to twelve months when they tend to move about. However, this positive behaviour soon gives way if children are overwhelmed by their new skills and abrupt changes in surroundings.

Fear Of Sleeping Alone

Toddlers of ages two to three may experience fears of sleeping alone or visiting the doctors office. At this age of emerging independence, toddlers have difficulty separating themselves from their parents, especially when they get tired and sleepy. They may appear to want to be by themselves during the day, but really, they are pretty vulnerable and appreciate cuddles at nights. The fear of sleeping alone may not be due to 'monsters or ghosts' as some parents may think. As such, getting toddlers to sleep alone may require a step-by-step process for parents to help ease their anxiety.

Fear Of Seeing The Doctor

Children are afraid of seeing doctors mostly because they do not like being poked or jabbed at. The strange and unfamiliar environment that is associated with pain and suffering can lead to a fear of visiting the doctors office. To help ease children's fear, parents must acknowledge that these fears are real to the children themselves. Adults should not tease them or overdo their comforting. Lastly, children should never be rushed to overcome their fears.

So what do you do when your child is experiencing fear? Here are three examples I've tried along the way :

Give TLC

When children are fearful, parents should remain calm to comfort them. Do not over-react. Soothe your child by softly humming his favourite song or find ways to help him to relax. Children need to learn positive ways to cope with their fears. Parents can show them by facing their own challenges without losing control or getting upset.

Role-Play

Prepare your toddler or preschool child before leaving home. If the need arises, parents can role-play what will happen at the doctor's office or at the party that they will be attending. Role-play offers much consolation and assurance.

Pat and Praise

As a child gets older, it is helpful to tell him about his success in conquering his fears. Say things like - "Look, you used to be afraid of the dark, now that you are older, you are not afraid anymore!" Be sure to praise them when they visit the doctor's office without much fuss, or stay in a party for more than twenty minutes.

Feeding an infant or young children is something more than just satisfying hunger. There are some limitation and requirement. Meeting enough nutritional requirements can help your child in the process of growing both physically and mentally. Help children to develop muscle and coordination skills. This is the next step of growing children when they reach the stage of feeding themselves.

How can they feel themselves? What can they do? These are your responsibility to complete. Help them to be part of social network also important so guide them to interact with people around them accordingly to different situation and different kind of people with independent or free control.

Gaming is a part of modern life. Research shows that children young and old game for between 13 and 30 hours a week. It is near to impossible to keep children away from computer or video gaming.

When you cannot beat the system it is best to join it in a “safe” way. Parents can educate themselves on the varied aspects of video gaming by reading articles and tips on the World Wide Web. They can with knowledge make every effort to ensure that their kids receive a rounded upbringing.

Here are a few guidelines to help:

1. Always befriend your children and know the games they play. Study guidelines given by the Entertainment Software Board and lead the recommendations and appropriate guidelines given on the content label of games.

2. Store www.ESRB.com in your computer as a favorite and keep abreat of game reviews and ratings.

3. Network with other parents as well as school and Y teachers. Share information and observations on kids and gaming.

4. Have an open relationship with the child or children and promote a friendship and comfort level so that the child shares its experiences and fears.

5. Be an observant parent and note any behavioral changes shown by the child.

6. Be an informed and cautious buyer and question claims made by gaming companies. Feel free to voice your opinion if you feel any game has objectionable content.

7. Give your child a rounded upbringing and introduce many activities you can enjoy together like sports, hikes, sailing and so on. Outdoor activities benefit children and help limit computer time.

8. Ensure that the child grows up to be confident, understanding, curious, and a happy child. Keep a watch for unwarranted secrecy, aggression, or violence.

9. Use gaming to maximize your child’s interest and choose games that need strategies and decisions. Minimize games that are violent and just involve shooting, destruction, and attacks.

10. When you refuse to buy a game, explain to the child why and make them understand why you discourage playing certain games.

Gaming can be beneficial and introduce technology, problem solving, logic and spatial as well as motor skills. Games are known to heal too! Parents need to understand the pros and cons of gaming and allow children to play games that are beneficial.

Be wise and limit time of playing video games. Encourage children to play in groups. Make time to play the games with the children. Understand the games and use the rating system as a guideline when purchasing a video game. Discourage children to borrow games from peers. If they do then encourage them to share with you what they have borrowed. Always make the effort of knowing what the children are playing with.

The gaming industry cares about Genx and so has put into place testing systems and advisory systems to protect children from the detrimental effects of gaming. Use the internet to educate yourself on video and computer gaming and learn how to protect your children.

By: Timothy Rudon

The Author: Dave Roth

Whether to limit the time that a child plays video games is a question that almost every parent has battled over at least once and often many times. However, just because one parent has a specific opinion about it does not mean that another parent holds the same opinion. In other words, whether a parent should limit his or her childs time playing video games is a largely subjective, opinion question. There are, though, some signs that a parent should look for when trying to make a determination as to whether the time that his or her kid is spending on video games is too much.

If a kid who is playing video games is paying so much attention to them that his or her schoolwork is suffering, a parent might want to limit the video game time that child has. In addition, if relationships are suffering because of video games, this might also be another reason to limit the amount of time spent playing them. Video games are supposed to be for fun and enjoyment only. Unfortunately, they can actually become addictive. When someone is addicted to video games, the rest of that persons life suffers. He or she will generally not do well at all with school or work, and the relationships that have been built with others will be ignored, at least to some extent.

The person may also lose sleep, not eat well, and exhibit other behaviors consistent with focusing too much on video games and not enough on reality. This is, of course, very detrimental, especially for a child who is just developing habits. Because this is such a serious issue and can lead to many problems in the future, any parent who is concerned about how much time his or her kid is spending playing video games or any parent who sees a change in his or her child because of video game playing should limit the time each day that the child is allowed to play the video game.

By: Dave Roth

Keeping kids active today is becoming increasingly difficult. Most parents blame video and computer games for this, as well as the Internet in general. While those things have certainly contributed to a more sedentary lifestyle, it is really up to the parents to keep children active as much as possible. One of the best ways to do this is to stay active with them. Young children often play outside with others in the neighborhood, but there are some children that do not fit in with their peers, and there are also children that grow up in neighborhoods where there are no other children or where it is not safe to play outside without adults.

For these children, and for others that are not getting enough exercise, parents must work to keep them active. Taking them to the park is helpful, but after a while this ceases to be interesting, so parents must find other ways of ensuring that their children stay active. One way to do this is to have them take a class such as martial arts or ballet where they will get consistent exercise. If a parent can take the class with them, that is even better, but some classes are designed only for children. Naturally, a kid should not be forced to enroll in something that he or she will not enjoy, regardless of whether exercise is needed.

For children that do not want to enroll in this kind of structured activity, though, there are other options. Playing Frisbee or horseshoes or badminton with parents or other relatives can help a kid stay active, as can outdoor play with friends. This does not mean that a child should be forbidden to play video games or watch television. However, the time spent doing those things should be limited. This is especially true if the kid is not in a physical education class at school or if he or she makes no effort at all to get any kind of exercise. Children that stay active are less likely to be obese, and they often have fewer health problems as they get older, making staying active very important for them both now and in the future.

Ideally, the air in your baby's nursery should be as free of pollutants as possible. This is because babies are more sensitive than adults are, to breathing problems and respiratory infections. One way of ensuring that there is clean, fresh air in your baby's nursery is to install an air cleaner.
An air cleaner is used to purify air in a room by removing allergens such as dust particles, dander, and mold spores.

• Ionic air purifiers: These are the most popular air cleaners available. They work by negatively charging dust particles and other allergens floating in the air and causing them to drop to the ground.
• HEPA air purifiers: These remove pollutants by filtering them out from the air. While they are helpful in removing pollutants such as dust and mites, they are very effective with mold. Ultraviolet air purifiers: These use light energy to kill allergen-causing organisms such as dust mites and dander spores.
Here are some points to consider while choosing an air cleaner for your baby’s nursery:
• Choose the type of air cleaner according to the pollutants you intend to eliminate. For instance, HEPA filters are ideal for filtering out dust particles, while Ultraviolet purifiers are more appropriate for killing germs.
• Opt for a single room air cleaner. This will be more effective for your baby's nursery than a central filtration system, or “in-duct” unit, that is meant to work for an entire house.
• Ensure that the air cleaner you buy is adequate in terms of the coverage it offers. For instance, an air cleaner may be ineffective if the area it is designed to cover is smaller than the size of your baby's nursery.
• Check to ensure that the model you have selected is not so noisy as to interfere with your baby's sleep.
• The American Lung Association advises against the use of air cleaners that use ozone generators as air cleaners. Also, ensure that the air cleaner you select does not produce ozone levels higher than 0.05 ppm.

Find tips and information for dads on how to setup baby nursery. A baby nursery will provide a safe corner for your baby to play.

Divorce is a hard and trying time for the people involved. Complications often occur and depending on the reasons as to why the marriage is coming to an end there are often bitter feelings between the separated couple and when a child is involved matters often spiral even worse.

The love between a child’s parents and the love that they express to the child is everything that the child knows so when divorce is thrown into the equation the results equal traumatic. Your child will go through a series of emotions when the news that divorce is occurring reaches them, which is why it is important that you tell your child in the correct manner and you reassure them.

Divorce is sadly becoming a common event within families and if children are involved there is a lot more at stake than just a marriage. Consistency to a child is highly important; a loss of routine and a change in your child’s daily habits can have an impact on your child’s life. The reaction of a child to the news of divorce can vary depending on the child’s age and ability to accept what is going on. It is evident that younger children have a harder time dealing with divorce as they can’t fully understand what is happening.

When it comes to a child’s reaction to divorce there are certain emotions that your child will go through starting with grieving. Your child will grieve the loss of family and the daily presence and attention of two parents. After grief comes denial of what is happening. Your child will ignore the fact that the divorce is going on and will refuse to believe that it is happening.

With denial then comes realisation of what is happening, which will result in mourning, depression, mood swings as well as changes in behaviour and anger towards you as parents for allowing the divorce to happen.

Finally your child will understand and start to accept what is happening to their family. You must however remember the importance of answering your child’s questions about what is happening and reassures your child that both you and your partner still love them; this is crucial in reassuring your child that everything will be ok; things will be different but they will be ok.

One of the most important aspects to remember when your family is going through a divorce is to never involve your child within the reasons as to why the divorce is happening. You should tell your child about the divorce in a calm and reassuring manner. It is also important that both parents are present when informing a child about divorce so that the child is reassured that both parents still love them and that the divorce is not their fault.

You should never argue or express hate/ill feeling towards your partner in front of your child, no matter what the reasons are as to why the divorce is taking place. This would only hurt your child and make them feel as though the divorce was their fault as well as making the child feel as though neither parent loved them anymore.

It is highly important that you tell your child about the divorce at the right time, do not rush into this and ensure that both you and your partner are present. After informing your child of the divorce you should try and involve them in the proceedings as little as possible and try to carry on your child’s daily routine as much as you can to help minimise the effect the divorce will have on your child.