| Monday, March 24, 2008 |
| Discipline - Do You React or Respond? |
When parents ask me about children and discipline, I always begin by inquiring about their own style of parenting.
For instance I ask them, "When we talk about discipline and children, what do you think your style of discipline is?"
"What do you think of your partner's parenting style when we talk about your children and discipline?"
"How difficult do you find it to discipline young children?"
I then ask questions about their own childhood experience of being disciplined and whether they see this as a positive or negative pattern to follow.
These answers usually create discussions about the methods to use with children and discipline, especially as so often I find that today's parents were smacked as kids. Often these discussions are very revealing to the parents. There is no more controversial topic than children and discipline to alert parents to their own, often deeply hidden, childhood parenting issues.
Nowadays, both children and discipline are seen in quite a different way than that of my own childhood, and thank goodness for that! Seen and not heard was very painful for many children back then.
Next I ask the parents to talk to me about their own personalities and whether they think they are reactive or responsive to their children when behavioural difficulties arise. This particularly applies when we discipline young children. Most times each parent is surprised to hear the observations of the other parent on their parenting style!
The earlier parents begin with a firm, clear and consistent approach to discipline and children the better.
What is the difference between reaction and response when we discipline young children?
Reaction
* Reactive parents often become emotionally involved with their children's negative behaviour, seeing it as a reflection on themselves.
* They can become distressed and take it personally, often feeling their child is "doing this to get at me".
* Often parents who have a problem with their own anger get caught up into the turmoil of a child's anger, unable to separate their child's behaviour from their own.
* This leads to escalating situations which become more about the parent than the child, with the parent unable to understand why it is all so out of hand.
Response
* Responsive parents look for ways to use the situation as a training ground for children and discipline.
* They look for reasons why their child is acting out, checking on their physical needs for food, water and sleep then trying to look at the situation from the child's perspective.
* They understand that their child would rather be calm and unstressed and they maintain a clear, consistent, focussed approach while remaining calm and in control themselves.
* They respond to the child rather than react to the situation.
Article SourceLabels: Discipline
|
posted by Khate @ 8:54 AM   |
|
|
|
